My dear sweet little one ~
I can't say these last handful of weeks have been easy. So many changes have been happening in my family's life, and while difficult I know it's all is restructuring the balance in preperation for you ~ which I am so very excited about.
I have struggled to have the deep connection I want with you, for reasons I can't really comprehend while yet understand. I want so much to not be "just a mom" to you, but a "Great Mom". I watch your dad with your big sister Emily, and he is the most amazing dad she could ever dream of. You, little one, are the most luckiest baby ever. You have the best daddy waiting to hold and love you. I hope I can be best possible mom to you.
This morning I woke up and placed my hands on your growing home, closed my eyes, and imagined what you must be doing in there. Were you sleeping? I was hoping to feel a little kick but nothing happened. Soon I know you will have grown more and I'll be able to feel your little twists and turns. I look forward to this.
During your pregnancy I have tried to find a connection with the midwife I chose for you, a connection I had with each of my past pregnancies, but never ended up with it as much as I wanted to. One day you will meet her, she is an amazing person. I will be on the hunt shortly for a new midwife, and will likely end up back with a midwife group who delivered your big sister, Katie.
Last week I was able to see you for the first time on an ultrasound screen. What a sweet feeling I felt, with a bit of shock.... this little being, you, really were inside of me! I felt such joy seeing your heart beating, seeing you moving, and even sucking on your thumb. Quite the surreal feeling. You measured 3" from head to bottom. Just a tiny little guy, but growing so fast!
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| Your brain, pretty amazing isn't it? |
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| The most amazing sound, your beating heart |
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| Do you see yourself gripping your cord with your right hand? |
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| Hard to tell, but you were sucking your thumb! <3 |
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| Fist up beside your chin |
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| Hmmmmm, are you a boy or a girl? At this age it's hard to tell, but I wonder?? You almost look like you're a girl, but .... maybe a boy? I wonder and dream, what will your name be? |
