Dear Aria -

You are growing so amazingly fast, and in to the most amazing and beautiful daughter and sister!  You are 2 1/2yo now, and had your first overnight sleep with me last Friday.  You'll have your second tomorrow night.   This is just the start of many more to come.  Just a single night seems to be the right amount of time right now, especially since you are very attached to your amazing dad.  When the time is right for you we'll go to two nights in a row.

I look at you in just complete amazement at how you came to me, how I came to be your mom.  I am so thankful to all the powers to be that it all happened as it did <3

Visit and Dinner

Dear Aria ~

It's been a while since I've spent time with you.  I wasn't sure how I was going to make it work yesterday, but it ended up coming together in a way that I was able to spend an uninterrupted evening with you.  No rush to get back, except for when my body was suggesting it was time to go to bed.

You've always looked at me as if you knew me but couldn't exactly pinpoint from where.  You stare deep and intently, I'd look back at you.  Inside my heart would swell with so much love, and often I feel the emotions of just complete aweness that you are my daughter.  I am your mommy.  I am so blessed :)

You are such a very busy busy busy child!!  I laughed, watching you chase your sister, Emily, around.  Trying to play with whatever it was that she was playing with, and how well she redirected your attention away.  You'd also crawl after her when she'd try to go in to the bathroom.  Always wanting to do what she was doing.  She is such a wonderful big sister!!  She cherishes you so much, Aria.

I loved watching how you'd head for the piano and crawl up on your chair with such smoothness to pound out some music on the piano.  Your dad said that you always change the tone to one he doesn't like, that it's your favorite one, lol.  I thought you were going to topple off sideways a few ties, but you so solidly held your balance, and slithered back down when you were done, with such precise movements.

We went out to dinner last night.  Daddy carried Emily so I could push you in your stroller.  You have such amazing big brown eyes, and just take everything in.  Daddy remarked about how you use to be afraid of the street lights as you passed, and now it doesn't bother you at all.

When we got back to the apartment after dinner, we ended up playing ball.  You amazed me with your rolling ball abilities!!  You do such a great job!!  I loved how you'd come up to me also, pat me and then clap.  Goodness, melt my mommy heart!

You talk!!!  There were a few words I forget now that you said, but I do remember you saying "nose" and pointing to my nose.  Wow :)

Your daddy is going to have a fun time with you.  Watching you last night, I am very curious if you're going to grow up to love sports.  You are intent, focused and strong.  I'm suspecting you are going to love baseball and soccer, probably swimming too... maybe.  Whatever you choose to do, you are beyond amazing in just who you are.

I love you so much Aria, and am so proud of you :)

12/01/13

Dear Aria ~

I can't believe I've let your blog go for so long.  There have been so many incredible moments, so many amazing memories.  Your pregnancy was full of so much love, your birth nothing less than miraculous.  I stayed for two weeks with you while my milk settled in, and so I was able to leave your daddy with milk for you when I went home.

I'll do better keeping your blog up, your sisters too!!  As time goes on I'll work my way backwards and post photos, I think I can update the blog for that and post them in order.  I've missed recording so much time.  With your sister, Emily, I've found myself saying that I need to go back to look in her blog to remember when something happened.  I'd love to have these things recorded for you too.  So this catch up time wont be perfect, but will be something.

13w4d, ultrasound pictures

My dear sweet little one ~

I can't say these last handful of weeks have been easy.  So many changes have been happening in my family's life, and while difficult I know it's all is restructuring the balance in preperation for you ~ which I am so very excited about.

I have struggled to have the deep connection I want with you, for reasons I can't really comprehend while yet understand.  I want so much to not be "just a mom" to you, but a "Great Mom".  I watch your dad with your big sister Emily, and he is the most amazing dad she could ever dream of.  You, little one, are the most luckiest baby ever.  You have the best daddy waiting to hold and love you.  I hope I can be best possible mom to you.

This morning I woke up and placed my hands on your growing home, closed my eyes, and imagined what you must be doing in there.  Were you sleeping?  I was hoping to feel a little kick but nothing happened.  Soon I know you will have grown more and I'll be able to feel your little twists and turns.  I look forward to this.

During your pregnancy I have tried to find a connection with the midwife I chose for you, a connection I had with each of my past pregnancies, but never ended up with it as much as I wanted to.  One day you will meet her, she is an amazing person.  I will be on the hunt shortly for a new midwife, and will likely end up back with a midwife group who delivered your big sister, Katie.

Last week I was able to see you for the first time on an ultrasound screen.  What a sweet feeling I felt, with a bit of shock.... this little being, you, really were inside of me!  I felt such joy seeing your heart beating, seeing you moving, and even sucking on your thumb.  Quite the surreal feeling.  You measured 3" from head to bottom.  Just a tiny little guy, but growing so fast!

Your brain, pretty amazing isn't it?

The most amazing sound, your beating heart

Do you see yourself gripping your cord with your right hand?

Hard to tell, but you were sucking your thumb! <3

Fist up beside your chin

Hmmmmm, are you a boy or a girl?  At this age it's hard to tell, but I wonder??  You almost look like you're a girl, but .... maybe a boy?  I wonder and dream, what will your name be?

Dear Little One ~

You are eight weeks along today!  I think often of you, and how you must be developing inside of me.  Every night and morning I feel your home, and feel it growing. 

Last week you marked your 7-weeks by sending me to the restroom quickly to partake in a part of "morning sickness". Yuck.  Your big sister Alyssa opened the door to ask me a question and stopped.... "Morning sickness?" I needed, and she closed the door.  I've come very close a handful of other times, but haven't completed the joy since then :)

I find myself often, lately, startled that you're really inside of me.  It seems so incredible, magical.... unbelievable really.  I am so very thankful.

I'm not craving sushi like I use to, but still love rice.  I am back to loving orange juice, but still doesn't want milk.  Eggs, not usually.  Fresh fruit or fresh vegetables, YUM!

Cravings and Sleep

Dear Little One ~

A few mornings ago, as I pulled out of the driveway on my way to work, I was hit with a wave of nautiousness.  I chuckled to myself, and made note that I must eat before leaving the house not after arriving at work.  So I did just that the next morning, which didn't go over too well with my tummy.  Again, I chuckled, but not comfortably.

I wonder if the food changes I'm going through now are going to end up being some of your likes and dislikes as you grow?  If so, you sure have healthy tastes!

You don't care for sweets really.  Although you do like a little dark chocolate, but not much.

You absolutely don't like soda.  You DO enjoy mineral water.

Eggs over toast is out.  Cheese is tollerable.  Sandwiches aren't really cared for (so no more subway for me really).

You love fruits and vegetables, and rice as well.

Hands down, the favorite is Sushi!!  Every day, these last few days, I have had an order.  Mmmmm, so delicious!  I am not eating any raw fish, just the california roll, but sooooo yummy.  For a handful of days I craved it and finally felt comfort in my tummy once I went ahead and tried these, crossed with... mineral water :) 

I realized tonight, that although you don't care for sweets really, you do enjoy the salt.... soy on the sushi :)

A craving I certainly don't mind, and Jonah has announced he is VERY excited about "this baby", for who you are of course, but also because since my craving is sushi that means he will more often then not be getting it too! LOL

My sleep schedule has changed as well.  No more staying up crazy hours.  I have been taking a nap almost every day since a few days after I found out you were on your way, and bed time is early.... 8pm or so.  My body seems to be sucking up as much sleep as it can get since you are growing.

How life is created, and how a whole 'nother body can grow a new human being just amazes me.

I feel down where you are and smile.  You are in there.  You are growing.

Your heart should have started beating by now :)

You're on your way!

Dear Little Dragon ~

It's been a while since I've written to you.  As the first month came, and I felt you were there... and then felt you slip away, and AF arrived quite late, my heart sunk.  The second month brought no sense of any conception, and AF was right on time.  As we stepped in to this month, I felt distant.  I was comfortable continuing month to month until your time came, but I silently wondered how long we would be waiting.  I thought back to the first month, and thought that if that baby stayed how far along in to the pregnancy I would be.

This month though was most important to me.  Ovulation happened on May Day, a special day, a day I hoped would give extra good luck for such an important month.  This month would be the last month that you would be born in the year of the dragon.... a water dragon.  I held my breath when the monitor turned positive the first day, and we sent many little dreams towards the egg in hopes you would be conceived.  The second day of the positive we sent more little dreams your way again.  And we hoped.

As I was more distant, maybe more of a sense at peace, or could have just been a "didn't want to get my hopes up", I waited much longer before picking up a pregnancy test.  I figured I'd just wait to see if AF arrived.  To help curb the urge, I was dipping an OPK test each morning since I needed to use up the rest of the pack of 20 anyway.  On May 12th though, Mothers Day, I woke up, dipped the stick, and saw an ever so slightly faint line.  Hmmmmm, I wondered.  I took the cup with me when meeting a friend to visit, and ended up deciding that yes, afterall, it was Mothers Day and if I was going to test today would be a sweet memorable day if it was afterall positive.

I drove to the store, with your sister, Emily, and Alyssa in the car.  I went in to Safeway and chose two boxes of two.  My mom text messaged wishing me a happy mothers day, and I told her I was buying pregnancy tests.  She sent a silly teasing response.  At the car I dipped the stick and set it down for Alyssa to watch, since it was interesting her quite a bit.

I expected it to be negative, but I hoped still.

Alyssa says, "I think I see a line!!!"

I looked, and sure enough there was the second line, clear as day.

My feet started stomping and I covered my mouth while I screamed.  "OMG! OMG! OMG!" I texted my mom.  She asked if she and my dad should call your dad and wish him a Happy Mothers Day :)  I wish they did, he has the sweetest heart like a mother.  You are very lucky, little dragon.

Once arriving home I took your sister, Emily, to the grass and handed her the pregnancy stick that screamed that you were on your way!  The first picture worked - the second picture she was giggling but still was oh.so.cute.  I messaged your dad.  I was so excited!! 

This was a moment I feel I have been waiting for for so long.  Not just three months, but since Emily was just a newborn and the consideration of you was there.  Most especially though, since last summer, 10 months ago, when I chose to stop working towards you for personal reasons.  When your dad waited so patiently for the months that followed, and when we could start trying for you again.  It's been so long in waiting for you, where each day the dream of you became more so.

I dipped a second pregnancy test later that day, and the second line was darker.  This is the test I gave to him when he arrived later in the evening.

Normal mama worries are there.  Will you continue to develop as you need to for you to continue growing in to a strong little baby?  I pray all continues as it needs to.  You mean so much to me.  Not just my dream, but all of ours.

I love you.  So very much.  To the end of the stars and back.

Our little Water Dragon <3  What a very special day!

The beautiful flowers and balloon your dad brought me