It's been a while since I've written to you. As the first month came, and I felt you were there... and then felt you slip away, and AF arrived quite late, my heart sunk. The second month brought no sense of any conception, and AF was right on time. As we stepped in to this month, I felt distant. I was comfortable continuing month to month until your time came, but I silently wondered how long we would be waiting. I thought back to the first month, and thought that if that baby stayed how far along in to the pregnancy I would be.
This month though was most important to me. Ovulation happened on May Day, a special day, a day I hoped would give extra good luck for such an important month. This month would be the last month that you would be born in the year of the dragon.... a water dragon. I held my breath when the monitor turned positive the first day, and we sent many little dreams towards the egg in hopes you would be conceived. The second day of the positive we sent more little dreams your way again. And we hoped.
As I was more distant, maybe more of a sense at peace, or could have just been a "didn't want to get my hopes up", I waited much longer before picking up a pregnancy test. I figured I'd just wait to see if AF arrived. To help curb the urge, I was dipping an OPK test each morning since I needed to use up the rest of the pack of 20 anyway. On May 12th though, Mothers Day, I woke up, dipped the stick, and saw an ever so slightly faint line. Hmmmmm, I wondered. I took the cup with me when meeting a friend to visit, and ended up deciding that yes, afterall, it was Mothers Day and if I was going to test today would be a sweet memorable day if it was afterall positive.
I drove to the store, with your sister, Emily, and Alyssa in the car. I went in to Safeway and chose two boxes of two. My mom text messaged wishing me a happy mothers day, and I told her I was buying pregnancy tests. She sent a silly teasing response. At the car I dipped the stick and set it down for Alyssa to watch, since it was interesting her quite a bit.
I expected it to be negative, but I hoped still.
Alyssa says, "I think I see a line!!!"
I looked, and sure enough there was the second line, clear as day.
My feet started stomping and I covered my mouth while I screamed. "OMG! OMG! OMG!" I texted my mom. She asked if she and my dad should call your dad and wish him a Happy Mothers Day :) I wish they did, he has the sweetest heart like a mother. You are very lucky, little dragon.
Once arriving home I took your sister, Emily, to the grass and handed her the pregnancy stick that screamed that you were on your way! The first picture worked - the second picture she was giggling but still was oh.so.cute. I messaged your dad. I was so excited!!
This was a moment I feel I have been waiting for for so long. Not just three months, but since Emily was just a newborn and the consideration of you was there. Most especially though, since last summer, 10 months ago, when I chose to stop working towards you for personal reasons. When your dad waited so patiently for the months that followed, and when we could start trying for you again. It's been so long in waiting for you, where each day the dream of you became more so.
I dipped a second pregnancy test later that day, and the second line was darker. This is the test I gave to him when he arrived later in the evening.
Normal mama worries are there. Will you continue to develop as you need to for you to continue growing in to a strong little baby? I pray all continues as it needs to. You mean so much to me. Not just my dream, but all of ours.
I love you. So very much. To the end of the stars and back.
Our little Water Dragon <3 What a very special day!
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| The beautiful flowers and balloon your dad brought me |
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