Sunday, April 1, 2012

Day 15

Today wraps up day 15.  This cycle is quiet, peaceful I would say.  I haven't felt too many jumps in anxiousness as each day passes, or each time I test with the OPK.  All, just is.

Shing dropped off Answer OPK tests (20ct) along with the Clear Blue Easy Fertility Test Sticks, last Monday (3/26) when picking up Emily.  As luck would have it, as much as I love the monitor, it had disappeared the following morning when I went to reach for it to test.  It was gone, somewhere - maybe Emily moved it, or one of my other children, or maybe I had placed it in a "safe spot" and it disappeared in to the black hole with all the other "safe placed" items, only to reappear in the most oddest spots possible at some point in time.  I began testing with the Answer OPK tests, and was content.  Each morning around 10ish, and evening around 5ish, I test.  I note the barely visible 2nd test line and ponder over when it shows positive... while yet not feeling rushed or stressed.

Day 15.  Finally, for the first time this month, I have began feeling little pinching feelings on both of my ovaries.  It's rotating back and forth, so slight in discomfort.  Other visible signs, such as CM, are pointing to ovulation being close.  It's the only place I feel hesitant, to say that I'm "close" or make any definitive statements regarding when ovulation will happen.  I feel lost in a sense, just along for the ride of whatever my body ends up deciding to do, and whenever that may be.  Just pee, dip, test, wait, read.... and wait.

In an odd sense I'm thankful it didn't work last month.  Whether it did and stopped growing, or didn't at all, I am enjoy the peaceful feeling this month has brought, but along with that the feeling of soft tender love I feel for the child who will be to come soon, along with a more humble respect that I can't snap my fingers and have conception happen immediately.

The top two were from yesterday, bottom three from today (am/afternoon/pm) -
note the slowly darkening second line....

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