The search begins

Little dragon -

Some things happened that broke my heart and left me feeling it wasn't best to be the one to carry you inside of me and bring you in to your daddy's arms. Oh, how much it hurt to make that decision, I've never cried that much over choosing not to be a carrier for someone. You aren't even created yet, and I love you already! With something so painful, it's hard to believe that there's a reason as to why something happened, and when it did, but I do believe there is... a reason... even if it's never really known.

You have such a wonderful dad waiting for you, you are one very lucky child. Your sister, Emily, has been so blessed to be able to know him. When he shared that he was still planning to go forward to find that special person who you are going to be able to grow inside, it was bitter sweet. I am going to miss carrying you, but oh... I am SO EXCITED FOR YOU! I will always love you, and do already. In my heart, for your father, you are held.

I look forward to watching your dad go through the often exhausting process of what it's going to take to figure out the path to walk for your creation and existance. Who's tummy will you be growing in? I hope she's filled with lots of love... most surrogates are :) Who will be giving that other half needed so you can have a body? Will it be a seperate person, or will it be the person who's tummy you snuggle on in to? However it ends up being, the whole process is so loved and dream filled.

Will you enjoy Emily? She's a pretty cool girl, and will love being a big sister when she comes to play. Maybe she'll want to dress you up in princess outfits, and play tea parties with you? It wont matter if you're a brother or sister, big sisters tend to do this anway :)

I do wonder though, if you are a boy or a girl?

Help your daddy find the special tummy home you're suppose to grow in, ok? Someone who will appreciate your daddy as much as he deserves, and as much as his friends do.

Little Dragon, you are in my heart and dreams <3 I wonder who I'll be to you? A friend? An aunt? Whatever I am, prepare yourself for lots of kisses and loves whenever I see you. Maybe in spirit you can feel the sweet kisses already :)